Friendly Faces
When I was a child, it was usually obvious who the authority figures were.
The teacher was the authority.
The police officer was the authority.
The doctor was the authority.
The government official was the authority.
You might have liked it or disliked it, but at least you knew where you stood.
Today something has changed.
Not the power.
The boss no longer speaks about hierarchy.
The boss speaks about family.
Many companies now describe themselves as a "work family."
That always strikes me as odd.
Families do not lay off their children because quarterly earnings are disappointing.
Families do not eliminate positions because of budget restructuring.
Families are families.
Companies are companies.
The relationship may be good.
The people may genuinely care about one another.
But a contract is not a family.
The language has changed.
The reality has not.
I see something similar in schools.
At least here in Switzerland, communication between schools and parents has become increasingly informal.
Teachers often write in a warm, personal style.
Messages end with phrases that sound more like communication between friends than communication between parents and an institution.
The tone is friendly.
The atmosphere is friendly.
Everything feels relaxed.
And often the people themselves are perfectly nice.
The problem is not the friendliness.
The problem is forgetting the roles.
As a parent, I am not speaking to a friend.
I am speaking to the teacher of my daughter.
That distinction matters.
Not because I distrust teachers.
Not because I dislike them.
But because roles do not disappear simply because the language becomes softer.
A teacher can be kind.
A teacher can be warm.
A teacher can be supportive.
And a teacher is still a teacher.
A school psychologist can genuinely want to help.
And a school psychologist is still part of an institution.
A government official can be friendly.
And a government official is still a government official.
None of this is sinister.
Most people are acting in good faith.
Most teachers want the best for children.
Most professionals are simply trying to do their jobs well.
That is not the issue.
The issue is that modern institutions often speak the language of friendship while retaining the powers of institutions.
The smile is real.
The authority is real too.
One does not cancel the other.
I sometimes get the impression that many people confuse friendliness with equality.
They hear a warm tone and assume they are dealing with a personal relationship.
They are not.
They are dealing with a professional relationship that happens to be conducted in a warm tone.
Those are not the same thing.
The distinction only becomes visible when a conflict arises.
Everything feels informal until a formal decision is made.
Everything feels personal until an institutional process begins.
Everything feels friendly until somebody discovers that institutions still possess institutional powers.
In Switzerland this can be surprisingly easy to forget.
A conversation with a teacher may feel like a conversation between two adults discussing a child.
And often that is exactly what it is.
But teachers are also part of a larger system.
Concerns raised by a teacher can lead to conversations with school psychologists, social services, or child protection authorities.
Most of the time these processes exist for good reasons.
Most of the time nobody is trying to cause harm.
That is not the point.
The point is that the roles remain real even when the language becomes informal.
A friendly conversation can still have formal consequences.
A warm relationship does not erase institutional authority.
The language changed.
The role did not.
Perhaps that is why I prefer a little more clarity.
Not coldness.
Not hostility.
Clarity.
A teacher can be friendly while remaining a teacher.
A manager can be approachable while remaining a manager.
A social worker can be warm while remaining a social worker.
There is nothing wrong with friendliness.
There is something misleading about pretending that friendliness has dissolved the underlying relationship.
The modern world often seems to believe that power disappears when the language becomes soft enough.
I do not think that is true.
I think power can smile.
And that is precisely why it is worth remembering that a smile and a role are not the same thing.