To My Daughter on Her Twelfth Birthday
There is an old philosophy called Stoicism. It began more than two thousand years ago, with people who were trying to figure out how to live well in a world that is often unfair, confusing, and unpredictable. They were not trying to be cold or tough. They were trying to stay clear.
One of the main ideas of Stoicism is very simple:
Some things are up to you.
What other people do, what they say, whether a teacher is fair, whether friends disappoint you, whether something embarrassing happens — these things are mostly not up to you. Even very wise people cannot control them.
What is up to you is:
how you understand what happened
what meaning you give it
and what you do next
The Stoics noticed that many people suffer twice. First because something unpleasant happens. And then again because they replay it, complain about it, or turn it into a story about how the world is against them. The event passes, but the story stays.
They suggested something calmer:
“Okay. This happened. What is the best way to respond now?”
Not angrily.
Not dramatically.
Just honestly.
If a teacher treats you unfairly, a Stoic would not say, “This should not have happened to me.”
They would say, “This happened. I do not like it. What part of this is mine to handle?”
If a friend disappoints you, the Stoic response is not to harden your heart, but to remember that people are imperfect, including us. That does not excuse everything, but it helps you stay balanced.
Stoicism does not mean pretending things do not hurt. It means not letting every hurt decide who you become.
The nice thing is that this way of thinking is not about being serious all the time. It actually makes life lighter. When you stop fighting reality, you save energy for what matters: learning, laughing, creating, and choosing your path.
You do not have to practice this perfectly. Nobody does. Even the Stoics wrote about failing at it again and again. The point is simply to remember, when life feels unfair, awkward, or uncomfortable:
“I still get to choose how I carry this.”
That is a quiet kind of strength. And it grows with time.
Have a beautiful birthday.